we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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