What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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