If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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