I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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