need another drink. this is the easiest way
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
