dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
