I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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