Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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