we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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