I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
