3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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