Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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