Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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