She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
