Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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