I want to have your abortion
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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