i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
