I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
