Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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