I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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