I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
