She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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