Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I came so hard my ears popped.
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