I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you will always have a special place in my vag
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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