I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
