i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
