This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
