I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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