My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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