Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
