i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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