Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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