I hate your face
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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