I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
