The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
