If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
