WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
