Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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