I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
