Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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