Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
