remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
