He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
