And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
