it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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