No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
