Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
