Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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