I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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