i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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